My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
