I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
