there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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