Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
