At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
