finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
