You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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