We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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