the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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