Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
