Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
