VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
its not stalking. its research.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
