would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
