if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
