Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
