Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
