Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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