Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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