I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
