you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
