Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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