there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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