last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
