So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize