you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
How's work?
Spinning.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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