i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
