Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
