I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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