You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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