i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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