my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
