this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
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Houston, we have a blender
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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