She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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