woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
