She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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