I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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