I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
