i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
