i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
