everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
