I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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