so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Of course I have a pirate flag
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
