Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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