And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
