You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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