we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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