You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
