Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
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