Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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