That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
