You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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