guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
