I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Your dad touched me again.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
