Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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