my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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