I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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