I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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