He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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