If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
