I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
