so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
