Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
