Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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