so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
