Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
