I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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