Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
