I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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