I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
