She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
why do cheetos always look like penises
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
