We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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